Friday, February 14, 2014

Lesson on Love

Don’t expect your partner to change – you should change first and then the necessary change will have to take place.
So often I hear a spouse say they want the other to change. I've learned through trial and tribulation that people should not be asked to change. The individual who wants change to occur should change. Then the entire dynamics of the relationship will change.
Let me give an example: the wife in a relationship wants her husband to pick up his clothes after he showers. Easy enough request one would think; however, he never does and she always picks up after him. So, I ask you, why should the husband pick up after himself if he knows eventually his wife will pick up after him? He becomes used to the nagging and even calls her a nag, but he doesn't change his habit. What if, just what if, she doesn't pick up after him? Let's say she tells him, "honey, I love you but honestly I resent the fact that I'm always picking up after you. From now on, I will not pick up your clothes."
He will not believe you at first, but two weeks later, when his clothes are still on the bathroom floor, and his laundry hasn't been done, he will begin to pick up his clothes.
Who changed? She did first!! Then, he had to follow suit.
The trick is persistence and stick- to- it -ness.
I know it's Valentine's Day and my message should be mushy and gushy, but I know of so many couples who want change, yet no one takes the initiative.
Get started.

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