Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Frozen In Time

The movie Frozen has brought an old concept into new awareness, “Let it go.” I hear these words sung by children and by adults. They remind me of “let go, let God” or something like that. I used to think others suffered from obsession, not me. I think I considered obsession and compulsion went together, and I don’t suffer from having to do something repeatedly, I don’t think. Although, I must admit I have on occasion gone back home to make sure I closed the garage door or shut off the coffee machine (yes, my coffee machine is very, very old). Now, I realize one can be obsessive without being compulsive. The irony is had I not said, “you know kids,” to my own children, “I think I’m obsessive,” to which both my children replied, “no…. really?” in a very sarcastic way, I would never have considered myself as such. But, I am obsessive.

Anyway, back to “let it go,” I am going to try very hard to let things go. “What kind of things?” one may ask, well like letting go a wrong someone has done or letting go the fact that instead of going for a PhD, I pursued a Masters in Community Mental Health. I need to let go of the fact that I had two children instead of four, and that I never – every speak up when I should but instead keep my anger, resentment, hurt pride, etc . , store up until I’m steaming!!!

Now, I know I’m not alone. I know there are many just like me out there because most of my friends and family members (except my son who keeps telling me to speak up) suffer from obsessing. I’m not quite sure how I have developed into this “keep your mouth shut” individual. When I was a kid, I used to let everyone know how I felt. Then, something happened that changed my life forever. I shut down. I found out that always speaking my mind might ruin lives, disturb families, and disrupt the status quo. For years, I had to keep my thoughts to myself. I think that’s why it’s so difficult for me to speak up and for others as well. We are brought up not to hurt feelings and not to start trouble.

So, how does one change? I have no idea. For once, I would like to know. I would like to forge on with a different mentality. I would like to be more like my son and politely tell people when they have been hurtful, insensitive, or downright rude.

Suggestions on how to begin? Let me know.

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