Thursday, July 31, 2014

Step One to a Better Marriage: Communication (For Baby Boomers & Anyone Else who needs Help)


    
     What do older couples talk about? It’s difficult to find new and exciting things to say with someone you’ve known for 25+ years. Most of the time, I will know what my husband is going to say before he even says it, same goes for him. Many older couples, who have been married 40+ years, sit in front of the TV for dinner. Mike and I started watching the cooking shows while we were cooking and before we knew it, we were keeping the TV on as we were having dinner. Our conversations were brief at best, and we usually waited till commercials came on! Dinner in front of TV is hazardous to a marriage's health. Once I started the post of Baby Boomers getting divorces, I decided to change our dinner arrangements.

     I wrote the article in the morning and by dinner time, I set the table instead of the counter (which faces our TV). Mike prepared dinner and watched as I placed dishes, forks, knives, and glasses on the table. I placed a beautiful bouquet of flowers from our garden in center, played some Bocelli on Pandora and then stood back to view the setting.

     After saying grace, my husband asked why we were changing our usual pattern. I told him about the research I had done and about how many baby boomers were getting a divorce. I explained that much of the problem was communication and lack of conversation, “So, I think we should stop watching TV and start talking more about the day’s events.” He was fine with this. I explained that we should try to discuss subjects of interest and not only the children and grandchildren.

     The first night, we spent forty-five minutes at the dinner table and talked about the news events, and whom we had seen and spoken to during the day. The second night we talked about golf, the blog, and some news we had heard about a common interest of ours. Tonight we discussed the books we are reading. So far, it’s working like a gem.

     I used to think that my husband was the only male alive who responded with "nothing," when I asked him a variety of questions like, "what are you thinking?, or "what did you and John talk about at golf?" or "what did your sister have to say?" Then I found out that most men respond the same way. First of all they really aren't thinking of anything when they look blakly into space, and second their conversations with male friends during golf is minimal. Many men do not find it easy to get into philosophical discussions, women do. And, that's where the work comes in. Men and women are very different.

     Sometimes couples forget that marriage is work just like any relationship. Nothing about marriage is easy because it involves so many variables such as different personalities and characteristics, likes and dislikes. If one were to purchase a car regardless of whether it is a Ford or Mercedes, both would need maintenance and adjustments. Like a well cared car, a marriage needs tender loving care in order to continue running successfully.   

1 comment:

anthony carri said...

Wonderful blog post! I am 2 years into my marriage, but can already relate to what you are saying and will keep your advice in mind. Really great tips on keeping the communication flowing and alive. :O)